Why I’m Okay With My New Quiet Personality
I have an "inspiration" file located in the back of my two-drawer cabinet that I seek out in times of low creativity. Today I explored the file and came across my 2015 Strengths Finder Assessment. My top five themes were futuristic, significance, activator, ideation, and relator. It struck me how far I've moved away from these themes, and I wondered if I would ever see that version of myself again.
I discovered this personality test after reading the "Strengths Finder 2.0" book written by Tom Rath. The idea is reading the book gave me the eligibility to take their assessment test. After answering a series of questions, a curated report relieved insight into my personality, providing me with those five themes.
In 2015 I was at the beginnings of launching my new company, Path 2 Flight. I remember at the time pitch events, product design meetings, and customer research filled my days. For the first time, I felt like all the balls I throw out were being returned. It was good to start hearing the word "yes" for a change. Today I sit with an empty calendar trying to finish a book I started many years ago. Unfortunately, Path 2 Flight went the way of many other businesses during 2020, and I'm left trying to find the inspiration to start again.
Seeing words like futuristic, activator, and ideation next to my name seems out of place. The closest I've come to those descriptions in the last year-plus has been DIYing my Ikea cabinet. Even though my past self cost me a lot of money, I miss her. She fearlessly decided to start a company aiming to disrupt the general aviation community by making it easier for people to learn how to fly. However, five years of trying to show the future industry possibilities took a toll. With each "no," she slowly faded away like Marty in "Back to the Future."
In the movie, Marty knew that each time he changed the past, his present self would cease to exist. So, in a flip-floppy way, movies about time travel remind us that everything in the past makes us who we are today. While I miss past Jill, maybe she is the reason I'm introspective today. Her grand view on life gives me enough stories to fill a book. Her running like mad activator side allows me to sit quietly in memories, and that need for significance has turned into comfort with anonymity.
2020 has caused many of us to change who we were in the past. Some of us have changed careers, and others have relocated. We went from a loud hustle to a quiet stillness. Some clawed their way back to the familiar, while others prefer a new beginning. Either way, I'm confident very few past vs. present personality tests would match.
In between my DIY projects (I'm considering adding legs to my two-draw file cabinet), I might consider investing another $30 to retake my Strengths Finder Assessment. But, until that time, I'm happy to know life provides for more than one set of personality themes.
