How Not to Fit In: The World Isn’t Waiting For More of the Same
I've spent my life trying to fit in. I haven't had much success being anything other than the person walking in the opposite direction of everyone else. Spending years trying to be more talkative or mysterious and quiet, changing my style and the way I walk has resulted in much of the same: me standing outside to a crowd.
For decades, I thought it was a problem with me. Maybe I missed the required class on rowing with those around you, which is unsurprising because if it was a requirement for everyone, I likely decided not to go. This resistance in me isn't something I do for attention or a desire to be a rebel (I'm a very fragile personality that wants to be loved). It just is, and resisting it is pointless. At fifty, I've given in, and the results were surprising.
Standing outside the crowd allowed me to see what no one else realizes is there. Once I decided that taking a different perspective was what I was meant for, I settled down and took it all in. It's like when you finally dare to ask that intimidating hostess to switch to a better table, and suddenly, everything about your experience changes for the better. The air smells sweeter, the food tastes better, and that loud table suddenly isn't as annoying but becomes slightly enjoyable.
So stop following the rules that society places on us and rethink how you interact with your surroundings. Yes, we were all taught from a young age to form orderly lines, but you don't always have to be in front. Try comfortably standing in the back of the line and observe. You will learn so much about those around you and might discover a better way to create order out of chaos.
Here are four ways to practice not fitting in while in a crowd:
Observe Outward. Take a breath and get comfortable with being alone. Then, once you have settled, take the focus off yourself and look around. Take in what you observe. Ask yourself questions. Act as if you are an alien from another planet and be curious.
Observe Inward. Now, turn inward; how do you feel about it? Be careful not to slip into how you "should" feel, but let yourself have your own unique opinion. Give your thoughts worth.
Resist Convention. Observe how the room is flowing and decide not to follow it. Break free of all your learned rules for living and assumptions. Challenge any and all assumptions. If you are wrong, you will only learn from it.
Communicate a Singular Perspective. Be intentional with your actions. Give them worth. For example, when speaking with someone, carefully listen to what is being said without concern for a reply. Just listen. Use your observations to offer a thoughtful (and intentional) reply. Offer your unique point of view. It is good that it is different from the majority.
Today, more than ever, we need to start sharing thoughts rattling around in our brains. Opinion is not only reserved for those marching in protest or for pundits. It is not what is written in a comment section of a blog post or content posted online; it is what you've observed in your life. It is your experience, and it is yours to share.
In the book "The Creative Act: A Way of Being," the author shared Carl Rogers's quote, "The personal is the universal." The author went on to talk about the importance of our point of view. The reason artists create isn't to make something that is useful to others but to express who they are. As long as that expression is unaltered, they have achieved art's fundamental purpose. I write, and my expression acts as a mirror for others to see themselves. I often find that with other writers like Rick Rubin, the author of the "Creative Act."
However, that is not why I sit and write. I do it to express myself and my unique view of the world that goes unnoticed in crowded rooms and on social media sites. It is mine, and writing it down is part of a conversation I have with myself. It helps me to understand my thoughts and feelings. And maybe by accident, it will be a conversation you are interested in having.
All the chatter that surrounds our daily lives tries to define us. Take time to stop and listen to your thoughts. The only way to know who you are is by thoughtfully and intentionally expressing what is in your head. Be the voice that might inspire others to do the same.